Music NOT to Look Forward To in 2009
By Saxon Baird - Dec 17th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Making list of releases to come out the following year is stupid. Think about it: the biggest new band of 2009 is someone you probably haven’t heard of yet. Even if the best album of 2009 is from the band you you’ve already heard of, it’s going to be chewed over for at least a month or two beforehand.
One thing that you should prepare for is all the crappy music that will undoubtedly be released in 2009. It’s music you most likely will hate but still hear about endlessly from publications and people you loathe.
Albums to Avoid like the Plague:
Hoobastank - “Fornever” Something about the name of the band induces vomiting. This album will likely do the same.
Reel Big Fish – “Fame, Fortune and Fornication” I think these guys are writing an album about what they’ve been lacking in the last 5 years.
Third Eye Blind – “Ursa Major” Please DO NOT write another hit song that I hate but still gets stuck in my head to the point that I can’t sleep.
Lynyrd Skynyrd - yet to be named Wait…what? Are you serious?
Korn - yet to be titled Wait…what? Are you serious?
Rob Thomas – yet to be titled If this has a Santana guest spot, I’m leaving the country.
Whitney Houston – yet to be titled I can see the People headline now: “Whitney’s Triumphant Return and How She Recorded her latest Album Sober .”
Mariah Carey - The Ballads Admittedly, some of Carey’s hits were fun, dance-inducing songs that could be even be considered good. However, the thought of a whole album of Carey belting out slow-jam ballads a la “Hero” makes me yearn for when you gained weight and went crazy after the disaster that was Glitter.
Alice in Chains - yet to be titled Apparently, middle age and death by heroin overdose can’t stop this band from re-uniting and releasing an album.
I thoroughly concur but… I mean… I have to kind of admit….
..that I’m a teensy interested to see what Whitney will do.
I’M SORRY. I’M A HOMOSEXUAL. I CAN’T HELP IT.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:16 ampretty much all of these bands/artists haven’t been popular since 1996…with the exception of lynyrd skynard…they were never popular
December 18th, 2008 at 10:29 amWhat about Mariah Carey, misspronounced? Have you not heard “Touch My Body”? That was a huge hit this year…
December 18th, 2008 at 12:29 pm[...] This guy rules, predicting exactly how average this album would be this year. Kudos! Share and [...]
March 16th, 2009 at 12:41 pmyou were spot on about hoobastank, fucking average album of the year award.
March 16th, 2009 at 12:53 pm